I was a Hipster… before it was cool

This week I came to an astounding conclusion. Through no fault of my own, I am now a hipster.

Two pieces of news brought this sad truth to my attention. The first was a survey in the Telegraph showing that the drink of choice amongst ‘hip’ young people was no longer WKDs and florescent energy drinks, but rather good old fashioned straight whisky. The second was a story surrounding the re-emergence of vinyl records amongst the young fashionable community.

It was at this point, as I sipped my glass of whisky and adjusted the needle of my vintage Technics record player, that I realised… I am a hipster. And now, I feel like a bit of a twat.

But it’s not that I tried to be a Hipster. I don’t own an iPhone and I’ve never even used the word SWAG. It’s just that suddenly everything I enjoy (and have enjoyed since my early teens) has become tainted. It’s a similar feeling to reading the YouTube comments under your favourite song, you suddenly realise that there are literally thousands of idiots who appreciate the exact same things as you. It’s enough to make you question your own sanity, let alone taste.

The only saving grace is that the vast majority of hipsters clearly have no earthly idea what they’re doing. For instance, according to the survey, when deciding their tipple of choice most young people selected American whiskies simply because “it’s what they drink on Mad Men”. It makes me chuckle to imagine a generation of pale-throated teenagers painfully gasping down cheap Bourbon simply to emulate fictitious chauvinists.

The same is true of vinyl. According to a recent report from Amazon the most popular vinyl of our generation is Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky”. This I would also assume gets played on a record deck which doubles as an aux port and iPod dock. We live in a faux-retro generation, desperate to show off how sophisticated they are while still benefiting from the luxuries of modern technology and sweat-shop fashion. If you really want to emulate the 1950s, close down your twitter account, turn off Nick Grimshaw, and shut the hell up about your damn feelings! Oh, and occasionally say something offensive about minorities …Yay, the 50s!

But who cares what anyone says! I plan to drink my scotch and listen to my Tom Waits vinyl regardless of the latest hipster trends. At least deep down, I know that I was a hipster… before it was cool.

Alex Warren
Alex Warren
Miserablist, whiskey-drinker, and general tinpot shambles. Alex Warren has a weary pessimism for all things media, politics and tech.