10 things to buy instead of the Apple Watch Edition

Last night, Apple Inc –  the world’s largest Chinese Dignitas clinic –  announced the launch of the Apple Watch Edition, an 18-karat gold smartwatch costing a mere $17,000.

Just let that sink in for a moment. $17,000. That’s more than £11,000.

Just think what $17,000 could buy the average man on the street. That’s forteen holidays, thirty-seven smart TVs, fifty-five Android watches, or even a dirty weekend with your mum… 17,000 times over.

Speaking of sordid time-wasters, here are ten things you could buy for $17,000 that would bring you more joy than an Apple Watch Edition:   

1. A life-size Zoltar machine

Apple WatchCost: $9000

Available from: Hammacher.com


2. This inflatable floating fun zone

iWatchCost: $9000

Available from: TakeMyMoney


3. Your own private underwater scooter

AppleLiveCost: $17,000

Available from: Scubadoo


4. A human bowling ball set

Tim CookCost: $5500

Available from: Hammacher.com


5. A collection of paintball machine guns

SmartwatchCost: $4500

Available from: Amazon


6. An outdoor cinema system (x 4)

Apple KeynoteCost: $4108

Available from: Amazon


7. This pool table in the shape of a banana

Gold iWatchCost: $9,000

Available from: Firebox


8. Six of these ultra-realistic velociraptor statues

Apple watch editionCost: $2500

Available from: Amazon


9. Your own personal jetpack

Overpriced iWatchCost: $9,000

Available from: X Jetpacks


10. This awesome Blofeld Bond villain chair

$17,000 apple watchCost: $6,800

Available from: Firebox

Alex Warren
Alex Warren
Miserablist, whiskey-drinker, and general tinpot shambles. Alex Warren has a weary pessimism for all things media, politics and tech.